So just bawled through the whole finale of Glee. Whilst Audrey threatened me with a time out ifI didn’t stop. Problems brought up from this show in need of solution:

• Sadness over my inevitable loss of youth (eventually)
• longing to follow my dreams (whatever they are)
• bittersweet emotion over the events of my first love 
• Furious-ness over Kurt’s future, if anyone needed NY it was him, also over the ending being all Racheled the f out SHE WASN’T THE ONLY SENIOR
• Audrey threatening timeouts when people cry (I do not do this always)

working draft

You are exactly what I expected and not at all what I hoped for. And usually thats enough, I’ll create alternatives to the you that is standing in front of me.

I’ll figure out what is missing and attempt to steer you in the direction I see fit.

You will be a actor on my stage and I will whisper you the script in just the tone, with just the look and emphasis I wish to receive them.

I will try so hard to make you what I want because it’s nice to feel this way.

being as I am a mother, and I don’t usually go out and do things like this…

I will probably never have another night like this, it wasn’t all good and in the morning when Audrey is up at 7 and I crawl to the coffee pot I probably won’t be to pleased with myself. But I was on a bands tour bus and I was in the moment and I had fun and while of course there has been an argument and someone fell ill…I am just so happy and grateful to everyone that made tonight one that I will remember for ever. I felt like cinderall, 21 and going to the bar turning into a pumpkin at last call, leaving to soon with out a kiss or a number….but a signed CD and a hell of a story. 

Maybe it’s the tequila, all the J’s and the cosmo talking but….I feel so bittersweet. Like tonight I lived, I had one of those purely human experiences. I felt lovely and smart and funny and confident and I just am sad it’s over but happy it happened…

Don’t cry because it’s over smile because it happened.